My head needs to explode. I needed to sit down tonight and verbal diarrhea onto this computer all my thoughts, just so I can start unraveling the mess that is currently my mind.
After the girls had gone to bed, Matt asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. But I just couldn’t. My head was spinning in circles so much that I just needed to sit and be still. I closed my eyes and I just envisioned Christ wrapping his loving arms around me. I had a vision of him touching my forehead, he slowly started to pull his hand away and as he did, the entangled “string” of my mind that was so knotted and messed up, started unravelling. A peace washed over me, and it wasn’t long before I got enough energy to get the courage and up to come and sit down here at the computer and write this blog post. I am so thankful for His love and that I can turn to Him when all hope seems lost. He gives me the strength to continue on through whatever life throws at me, and the grace to handle it all, even when I don’t want to.
One thought I wanted to get out was something that I had an epiphany about just today. It stems from relationships in your life that are just not quite right. You know the ones – that you dwell over, worry about, get anxious thoughts over, and cry endless hours about. When someone hurts you SO much, repeatedly over and over, and you just cant understand why. It might take you literally years to realise, but when you do, it just clicks – YOU care so much about that relationship and that person, but they just DO NOT reciprocate it at all. Their head and heart is in a complete other world of almost selfishness.
Now, in my experience, I have grieved over these relationships. SO much. And yes, it is ok to grieve about them as grieving is an important part of you letting go of something that you held so close and that meant SO much to you.
BUT…what struck me today was that once you have grieved, it is time to let it go. That relationship DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS OR YOUR HEART ANYMORE. It is time to let it go.
I am a very emotional person. I love with my WHOLE heart and I wear it on my sleeve. I am very strong (on the outside) and it doesn’t take much to shake me at all. But one thing that I absolutely cannot deal with is seeing others getting hurt.
Family comes an absolute FIRST for me. I want my children and husband (and I) to be living a productive life – giving to others and enriching those around us by showing them God’s love. If I could have my extended family living nearby, it would be an ultimate dream. Money and possessions take a back seat. Time and time again I have said to Matt, I would much rather be living in a caravan, with nothing but the clothes on our back, and be happy, than be chasing “the dream”. Because at the end of the day – I have seen what “chasing that dream” has done to so many that I love. It isn’t pretty,and it is not what life is about.
Life is short, unpredictable. We don’t know how long we have here, so we need to use every single day as a gift. Cherish every single moment we have with our loved ones and those that DESERVE our time and energy. Kids forget about the expensive toys they receive – but if you ask them what their favourite part of their day was – it would be, digging in the garden and making mud pies, or dancing around the lounge room with daddy. They are moments and memories worth making. Wealth takes a back seat.
And if your children are now grown, those memories come in the form of hanging out with them when you can. Making the time to catch up with them and find out what is happening in their lives….being a part of it. And if grandchildren are involved, then you are BLESSED to be able to relive those memory making experiences all over again – by doting on them as you did with your own children. Not by buying them everything under the sun, but by spending time with them when you can. For some, this is near impossible – but thankfully technology is AMAZING and we have things like SKYPE etc to use at our fingertips!
THIS is life….this is what it was intended for. Yes, we need to work to earn money to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table – but remind yourself to keep it in check – what am I doing this for? Who am I doing this for? Do I even know them anymore or have I lost sight of that? Is living a glamorous life more important to you or enjoying your last days on this earth with those you love?
I am thankful that today I have come to the realisation to let go of these relationships that just are not fruitful to my life. I am a giver, and as a giver, it is very easy to deplete myself quickly. I will hold on as long as I possibly can, and love someone unconditionally, but, slowly it starts to eat away at you until there is little to nothing left to give to that person that has hurt you so much. You don’t have to hate them….I am not one to hate many things at all. Hate is a strong, strong word, and not what I was built on. But it is ok to let them go, and just be civil going forward where you can. Don’t give them your heart-strings to keep pulling, be strong enough to tie those loose ends and keep your heart strong.
Don’t forget just how important you are. You are worth more. Far more than rubies and diamonds. You are strong, strong enough to get through this. I promise you – you will come out the other side a stronger more refined person – free from the baggage that was weighing you down!
I pray for all of those that are reading this and going through similar situations, that you too may realise your worth. That you might realise what is important to you at this point in your life, and that you would cherish your own heart and protect it before it gets pulled apart by someone who doesn’t deserve to have the keys to your heart.